Keeping Up with the Joneses
by Marree
Summary: Rinoa gets a Peekachi! Cid's a robot! They hire Cid! Fujin raps! All this and more as FF8 makes improvements to make themselves more popular...


Keeping Up with the Joneses  
by Mariye  
  
======  
Disclaimer: D-I-S-C-L-A-I-M-Eeee-R Disclaimer!   
(far away voice) : Disclaimer!  
Disclaimer!  
I don't own anything here!  
Here!  
Here!  
Come along, join the fun, write and not own the characters!  
D-I-S  
C-L-A  
I-M-Eeeee-R!  
  
(A/N the song Fujin sings is called No Reply. Its the one that makes  
fun of the Eminem song The Real Slim Shady. Its funny! If you wanna  
see the whole song, the lyrics are up @ my webpage. I kind 'touched   
up' some of the lyrics though...   
BTW: Sorry Zell fans, I love the spiky Chicken-Wuss 2, but that one  
lyric 'punk kid trying to be hardcore' just made me have to do that  
part...)  
======  
  
[In Quistis's classroom, Seifer, Zell, Rinoa, Squall, Selphie, Irvine,  
Fujin, Raijin, Cid, and Edea are sitting gossiping.]  
  
Quistis: (shuffles papers at podium.) I suppose you all are wondering  
why I asked you here today. We are in trouble. Big trouble. Too many  
RPGs are coming out now. We're getting lost in the fray. We need to  
make some changes. Some... adjustments... to help push us to the   
head of the pack. Now, before we even start, I'm afraid we have some  
bad news...  
  
All: What?"  
  
Quistis: Cid, you're being replaced. We're sorry. Edea, turn him off.  
  
Edea: What do you mean turn him off???  
  
Squall: Um, he's a robot. You knew that, right? (Squall pushes a   
switch and Cid shuts down. He pushes him onto the floor.)  
  
Edea: WHA????  
  
Rinoa: Well of course! I mean, he clinks when he walks. He freezes up  
whenever the school server goes down.  
  
Seifer: Hey, remember that time he cried oil?  
  
Raijin: Yeah, and how he always has a picture of the tin man in his  
office ya know?  
  
Edea: I... I was married to a robot.... Well... I can't really say I'm  
all THAT surprised. So who's his replacement?  
  
Quistis: Well, we decided since we're firing Nida and Xu, since Mr.  
Bigshot Leonhart had to go and be a level 30 SeeD...., that we're   
going with a former pilot. Would Cid Highwind please step in?  
  
Cid: Hey! What a happy bunch of pansies! (looks at Irvine) What the  
hell are you supposed to be?  
  
Irvine: a cowboy?  
  
Cid: A cowboy?!?! Ha! I like you kid, you're funny. So which one's   
my wife Sweetheart?  
  
Quistis: eh-hem. My name is Quistis and that woman (points to Edea)  
is your wife.  
  
Cid: Hot damn! She's hotter than my last woman!  
  
Edea: I guess he does have a certain charm...  
  
Zell: (while gagging down a hotdog whole...) Bugh thas ee foo laaoof  
ragh?  
  
Quistis: ???  
  
Zell: BUGH THAS EE FOO LAAOOF RAGH?  
  
Fujin: PIG.  
  
Squall: What I think my glutinous cohort is trying to say is but thats  
it for layoffs, right?  
  
Quistis: (looks down) Um... well.. Selphie, we're really sorry here  
at FF8, but we have to let you go...  
  
Selphie: WHAT!?!?!?! BUT I'M SO CUTE!!!! COME ON PEOPLE! BACK ME UP!  
  
Irvine: (holds his hand over his mouth so Selphie can't see) Thank   
you Quisty! We love you.  
  
Selphie: THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!!!!   
  
Fujin: (walks over and kicks her.) SHUT UP.  
  
Selphie: YOU CAN'T SILENCE ME! I COULD BEAT ANY ONE OF YOU UP!  
  
Edea: (grabs her cell) Hello, Security? Can we have an escort for   
Ms. Tilmit?  
  
Selphie: BESIDES, WHO'S GONNA FLY THE RAGNAROK?  
  
Zell: Well, if you remember that time when Irvine, You, and Squall   
went to rescue Rinoa I piloted it and did pretty well. Besides, you  
forget we now have Cid. I mean new Cid. That one. (points to Fly Boy   
and then grabs another hot dog. gags it down.)  
  
Rinoa: (marveling at Zell while Quistis, Squall and Security escort   
Selphie out) How does he do that?  
  
Seifer: Its like a duck. They swallow stuff whole too.  
  
Raijin: So do chickens ya know.  
  
Fujin: DISGUSTING.  
  
Irvine: Actually, I think he's more like part chipmunk. You know how  
they stuff food in their cheeks.  
  
Rinoa: Oh yeah!!!   
  
Edea: Plus they'll eat practically anything too.  
  
Cid: Well, if the punk eats anything, then he's more like a raccoon.  
  
Zell: (gags another hot dog down and glares at them.) Do you mind?  
Am I gonna have to come over there and shut you up?  
  
Seifer: Hey Fujin, sing that song you told me about that sounds like  
its about Chicken-Wuss!   
  
Fujin: YA'LL ACT LIKE YOU NEVER HEARD A WHITE PERSON BEFORE. HIS   
RHYMES ARE BORE. PUNK KID TRYIN TO BE HARDCORE.  
  
(Selphie is gone. Edea and Cid excuse themselves to go 'get better  
aquainted.')  
  
Quistis: Actually Fujin, while you're up, we'd like you to talk   
normally. Otherwise you're good.   
  
Fujin: Cool. Can I finish my verse before we move along?  
  
Quistis: Sure why not?  
  
Zell: Great, you all are gonna make me lose my appetite.  
  
Fujin: But Zell Dincht back worse than before. Makin us snore   
whinning on the microphone.  
  
(everyone starts laughing. Zell pushes away his tray and pouts.)  
  
Zell: But you guys all said I rapped good at the Garden Festival!  
  
Squall: Yeah, sure we did.  
  
Fujin:Its the return of the ... oh wait ... no wait. You're a fool  
You didn't pay money for that Garden Fest did you? And Squall did,  
everything you idiot, without our moves you bet you're as good as   
dead. Cafeteria ladies' have had enough of Chicken Wuss.  
Jiggy jiggy  
Even Library Girl's sick of him. Look at him walkin around livin of   
Squall actin so cool, but he's really kind of weak though. Little   
twit blasts me in his latest rap see. Why? Cause I turned him down   
for a date, tee hee.  
  
Quistis: That it?  
  
Fujin: Yeah, I haven't worked out the chorus yet though.  
  
Raijin: Give us time we'll figure it out ya know.  
  
Seifer: Told ya it was good. (everyone is laughing. Zell scowls.)  
  
Zell: Just wait till I finish my lunch. Then you'll pay.  
  
Quistis: Anyway, getting back to our subject. Our new Selphie will   
be... Jubilation Lee.  
  
All: Who?  
  
Jubilee: Hey all! Wassup? See, since a guy who I THOUGHT was my man,  
maybe you know him, his name was Synch, he started going after this  
Algerian know-it-all Monet. So I just left. Hell with them. Things   
were gettin too confusing over there with all those timelines anyway.  
They didn't even put me in the new tv series! I was an X-man. I was a   
Generation X-er. Now I'm gonna be a SeeD. (sets off a few explosions.   
startles everyone, then plops down in Selphie's old chair.) So let the  
celebrations begin. Yes, I will do autographs.  
  
Quistis: Jubilee, if you would please not set off those paffy things  
during the meeting.  
  
Jubilee: (squints her eyes) Great. Another work-a-holic haySeeD. Hey,  
cool. I made a good joke! (sees Zell's plate hotdogs and tries to   
grab one. Zell growls and she backs off.) Scrouge!  
  
Quistis: Next, we have to talk about Irvine.  
  
Irvine: Are they gonna give me a better costume?!?!  
  
Quistis: Well...  
  
Squall: Nah, people love the gay cowboy.  
  
Irvine: WHA?!?! What did you call me?  
  
Squall: Gay as in happy and merry.  
  
Irvine: Oh, alrighty then.  
  
Raijin: Yeah, and I mean his whole personality is perfect ya know.  
Everyone needs an dork hero in the group.  
  
Irvine: WHAT?  
  
Fujin: Besides, cowboys are kinda in right now.  
  
Seifer: Yeah, like in Kid Rock's song.  
  
Irvine: Come on. All I'm really asking for is a change of clothes.  
  
Jubilee: You know, when I was with the X-men, guys wore yellow   
spandex. (while trying to sneak some of Zell's food) You shouldn't   
feel bad about the chick purple vest.  
  
Zell: I dunno if anyone wants to see Irvine in spandex. (he sees   
Jubilee's hand and slaps it away)  
  
Quistis: Well I dunno if I should tell you this Irvine...  
  
Irvine: (crosses his fingers) please no gay cowboy please no gay   
cowboy please no gay cowboy  
  
Quistis: Oh, I'm sorry, but you're stuck the way you are.  
  
Irvine: Dammit!  
  
Seifer: Are we almost done? I can't take all this bickering.  
  
Quistis: Two more things to go.  
  
Fujin: GREAT. oops.  
  
Raijin: (glares) Remember...  
  
Fujin: Sorry, old habits are hard to break.  
  
Quistis: Yeah, I know. Squall, we think you need to lose some of the  
belts.  
  
Rinoa: Thats what I've been trying to tell him. Plus he needs to smile  
more. He has such a pretty smile! (pinches his cheeks)  
  
Seifer: (to Raijin, pinching his cheeks) He has such a pwetty smile.  
  
{{PAFF}}  
  
Irvine: (jolted out of his sulking) What was that?   
  
(Everyone looks toward Zell and Jubilee. Jubilee is happily munching  
on a hotdog, while Zell is rubbing his eyes.)  
  
Jubilee: Oh I wish I were an Oscar Meyer weiner. That is what I'd   
truely like to beeeeeee, and if I were an Oscar Meyer weiner, everyone  
would be in love with me.  
  
Zell: (coughs out smoke) Know what? I think I'm full now. Anybody   
else want to finish these?  
  
Squall: She... she made Zell share?  
  
Seifer: Wow!  
  
Irvine: Selphie never coulda done that.  
  
Raijin: Yeah ya know.  
  
Quistis: Yes, well, our casting committee does good work.   
  
Jubilee: Aw, that was nothing. Back when I was with the X-men...  
  
Quistis: Moving on. Actually, the DC can leave for this decisio...  
  
D.C.: Woo Hoo! Gangway!  
  
Squall: What is it?  
  
Quistis: Its about Angelo.  
  
Rinoa: (shocked) What about my puppy?  
  
Zell: He went to puppy heaven. Irvine ran him over.  
  
Irvine: I did not! Just cause you're in a bad mood doesn't mean you   
get to insult others.  
  
Rinoa: I can't believe what meanies you two are being. Squall! Beat  
them up!  
  
Squall: Um, but they're funny. Free entertainment is so hard to come  
by.  
  
Rinoa: SQUALL!  
  
Jubilee: (to Zell and Irvine) Man, she has him whipped. How long have  
they been dating?  
  
Irvine: Only a few weeks.  
  
Jubilee: Dang.  
  
Quistis: Rinoa, Angelo wasn't well... cute enough. We got you a cute  
new pet though. And its really popular.  
  
Rinoa: (sniffles) I don't wanna new pet. I want Angelo! Squall! Get   
me Angelo.  
  
Quistis: But Squall already sold him...  
  
Rinoa: WHAT!?!  
  
Squall: Thanks a lot blabbermouth!  
  
Zell: Is that why those Suikoden 3 people were here?  
  
Irvine: Oh yeah, they have a third one coming out. Is Angelo going to  
be like that dog that belonged to the archer? I think there was a   
Kinnison in there somewhere...  
  
Squall: Yeah. Angelo's gonna be a star.  
  
Quistis: So Rinoa, here's your new pet. (hands her a moving box with  
air-holes. Rinoa takes it and opens it...)  
  
Creature in the box: Peekachi!   
  
Jubilee: Um, dude? Isn't that supposed to say Pikachu?  
  
Quistis: Shhh! Copyright problems. Say hello to your new Peekachi!  
  
Rinoa: Peekachi! Zap Squall for his insensitivity in him sending away  
my poopsie Angelo!  
  
Peekachi: Peeka!   
  
{{ZAP!}}  
  
Squall: Ouch ouch!  
  
Quistis: Know what? I'm getting outta here before it gets ugly.  
  
Irvine: I'm with you Quisty. Come on Jubes, Zell. Lets go rent Final  
Fantasy 9 and see our competition.  
  
Jubilee: Lets get Chrono Cross too! I wanna try taking a different   
route in that game.  
  
Zell: What about Persona 2? Is that out yet? And maybe the new Lunar  
game set...  
  
======  
  
[the end]   



End file.
